Zombie Work Week (excerpt)
FOREWORD:
The following is an excerpt from my novel Zombie Work Week. It is a
coming-of-age, post-apocalyptic, romantic, and dark comedy. A zombie
revolution led by Michael Donovan backfires and leads to a world full of
living zombies. Punching in and out of work and then going home to
watch the government controlled reality television shows meant to strike
fear in their hearts and entertain them enough for them to feel as if
they are a part of something.
Each chapter has two sections, one written by a man and another written
by a woman. this is the female character's section, and to help the
reader along, she writes in all lowercase. The section I chose was from
her point of view and is a commentary on the beauty of lies, and the
dangers. It is about a talk-show host named Donovan (who is meant to
resemble Rush Limbaugh), who does not believe ozone depletion is an
issue.
- Stephen Huczek -
lies can be beautiful things. specifically to children. they are told that there is an easter bunny, a santa claus, a god of justice. each has some kind of aura about it that makes it magical and wondrous. kids love that kind of stuff. it all depends on how its packaged. each of these fantasies has to bring them something they want. that or frighten them beyond belief. sometimes both.
children carry these myths with them
throughout their lives. they carry them around like cherished little scars.
the world has messed with them for the first eight years or so they've spent out
of the womb, and afterward they live on to show the world that they have a sense
of humor. of humility. human existence is a fraternity (and/or a sorority) to
which the initiation is a series of elaborate hoaxes, most of which end early on
in life. we are told all but the god of justice were products of some early
society’s collective imagination. after only eight or so years of avoiding the
bad list, staying in bed so as not to scare away the easter bunny, keeping our
eyes closed so the tooth fairy could get on with her trade.
now, we only keep our eyes closed for one
fantasy. the god that will punish the rich and destructive and reward the
impoverished and meek. its funny, because if the lower class wasn’t told to
turn the other cheek, weren’t prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,
weren’t following the laws like good little citizens, if none of this crap had
been pounded into our fragile little psyches from very early on, the meek would
become the rich and powerful and the rich and powerful would end up meek or
dead. the working class people are the toughest and most rugged, most
well-conditioned lot that can be found in this world of bullshit politics.
this brings me to the largest pile of bullshit
politics, economics, and religiosity available to the general public. “the
donovan show.”
no, it’s not mike’s show. donovan is the
guy’s first name. donovan hart is his full name.
he’s one of those conservative talk show hosts
that has no new ideas, just a lot of pent-up anger over how people view the
wealthy and over fed. men of course. to him women should always be poor and
anorexic unless married. if married they should be dependent and accommodating
and even more anorexic.
i hate this guy for so many reasons, but what
i hate him for most is one of the mildest moments of his career. the episode
that has been forgotten by all but mike. he’ll never tell me what day it was,
because he knows i’ll go back to it and try to convince him that the whole show
was so full of crap and that he shouldn’t take it as proof of anything. mike
thinks everything we see, we see for a reason. i think a lot of what we see, we
see because its in the way.
in addition to obstructing people’s view by
sheer volume, donovan stands in the way of democracy. he stands in the way of
true morality, whatever that may be. donovan doesn’t care about businesses’ and
industries’ human rights infractions as long as it doesn’t hurt him. he doesn’t
care what people do as long as they adhere to his conservative christian
values. and again, as long as it doesn’t hurt him.
that is if he knows it hurts him.
according to donovan, smoking is not a cause
of cancer. neither is sunbathing, since the ozone layer is still in tact as far
as he’s concerned. so, in the not too distant future, when he steps outside for
a smoke after being diagnosed with lung cancer, under one of the many gaping
holes in the ozone that he still will not recognize as such, he’ll be one of the
few people surprised by the immediate and entire combustion of his cigarette as
he removes it from its packaging. pulling out one after another, never willing
to admit to himself or anyone else that he was wrong.
ah, i can just imagine what that nic fit would
be like. it would be just like his show. donovan would rant and rave, but
probably wouldn’t be making any jokes. and i could let go of our political
differences and actually allow myself to laugh. and laugh. and laugh.
i must admit that i do laugh at his show on
occasion. even at a joke here and there, though i try not to. usually i laugh
at one of donovan‘s particularly outrageous claims. that when companies make a
big enough profit they’ll help their fellow man. that teaching sexual
abstinence alone works to keep children healthy and abortion free. that
christianity makes people kind. and that god will clean up all of our messes.
god hasn’t even cleaned up any of his.
donovan has helped make a mess of a few
hundred thousand people who no longer pay attention to the things going on
around them. “everything you see, everything you hear, everything you feel is a
lie. i will tell you what to believe,” he says. he’s supposedly kidding when
he proclaims this at the end of every show. it’s his attempt at reverse
psychology according to donovan, but it seems pretty half-hearted to me.
he makes it pretty clear that if you disagree with him, you’re an idiot in his eyes. donovan knows that thinking for oneself is no longer the american pass time, given the ratings of reality shows and such. nor should it be. we need to start feeling as a nation again. and in his own misguided way i guess donovan is.